Friday, January 29, 2010

Tryin To Stay Strong

No matter what situation i am in it always seem to go in a direction that never ends up good. All my life i have felt like this world wasnt for me, but yet i never let things or anyone get the best of me. I wont give them the satisfaction of seeing me on the ground begging for help, thats one of my worst nightmares. But Lately I have been on the ground I never thought i would see my self in this position that I am in today. Having no place I can call home anymore, Sleeping on couch, having bills I cant pay, and living off of food stamps. Feeling so ashamed of my self but yet i smile like nothings wrong, still giving but having nothing to give, still standing but having no support. I am tired of looking at people smile without anything to worry about in life. I am tired of looking back on my childhood and praying, hoping god can make me a bird so i can fly far far away from here. I still try to better myself and keep moving, but whatever this is thats stopping me seems to get stronger as do I. Living this life that I am living I feel what other people are going threw and I know I am not alone here, But I do have people that love me and help me without me asking knowing that I have way too much pride in my heart to ask myself. But Its my choices and my mistakes. I will be better I promise myself after every bad decision I seem to make. And about this thing thats going on with me and my mother I admit I did make a mistake of leaving her with a last impression of me being just like her. Saying things I didnt mean showing her im just a perfect image of her in every shape and form. Everytime I think back on something i have said that I didnt mean I Feel so pathetic at myself that I can get so low. Hurting people I never thought I would ever hurt. It hurts me to give people a taste of how my mother would use her words against me and break me down literally. If I noticed I did the same things as my mother along time ago I would have never used words to break down anybody or hurt anybody. Its Just something I have to work on....


  1. this is really deep...

  2. Just Stay With It Dustin, Whatever God Throws At You Its For A Reason. I was in this position you are, now im making ove 100k a year doing something I love all because my situations made me stronger and close to being unstoppable.